As some of you may remember, a while back I mentioned my grandmother having been diagnosed with terminal cancer and her decision to not go through chemo but continue living her life. She wanted to stay at her place for as long as possible, and it was agreed that, once she gets too weak or sickly to do so anymore, I was the one who would take her in since we have the space, the means and a stay-at-home-me who would be always there.

This morning, she fell down a few steps on the stairs - nothing broken luckily, just some nasty bruising, but it's been decided that the time for her to no longer be able and live on her own has come now (it took at least 3 hours until someone stopped by and found her on the floor so .. yeah .. not so good).

Over the summer vacation, we have been getting everything ready and set up already to be ready for when this step came .. and now, it will come to pass. For right now, my uncle is still caring for her until the bruising is healed over enough to make the car ride to my place comfortable, but starting .. well .. I guess next week sometime, I shall be primary caregiver to an elderly person. In addition to my 2 boys, of course. That means .. uhm .. I don't rightly know yet. I just know that it won't be easy.

This might, obviously, delay the plot further though I will try the best I can. Everyone, keep me, my sanity, my physical strength and my grandmother's health all in your .. prayers or thoughts or well wishes or whatever you may have available to you *sigh* Can't say I'm looking forward to this, as harsh as it may sound, but .. it's family, ya know?

Hi Silke,

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your grandmother. Trust me I know what you're talking about, my grandmother has been living with me for the past year now. Not because she's sick but because her mind isn't what it used to be and it's not getting any better.

I won't lie to you, it's not easy but honestly it's just something to get used to. Then it does get easier. :) The best advice I can give is: stay calm under any circumstances.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your grandmother.

xx

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandmother hun <3. It's never easy when people get older etc.

But you're in my thoughts, you and your whole family <3.

Thank you, all .. and Nicole .. yeah .. not losing my cool will be paramount to this working. And not losing my handle on my medication :P

Either way, word is that my grandmother will be moved here on Wednesday. I dread the day, and while I know that doing so doesn't make me a bad person, per se, I never theless feel pretty lousy since it's not like she is choosing to make my life harder. I feel bad for feeling bad *chuckles*

At least so far, I don't seem to be either manic nor depressive .. so that's a good thing ;) No crazies for me yet.

Either way, I need to take this week off, and I've talked to Roman who has agreed to handle the plot in Japan (and I love him dearly for being such a .. well .. dear :) ). When I get a breather, I'll check in, but don't expect to find me at the computer very often this upcoming week.

Wish me .. nerves of steel ;)

Trust me Silke, I know the "I feel bad for feeling bad" kinda feeling. I used to get that all the time when I was a patient observer. One part of you wanted to throttle th patient and make them understand that they're safe, they're in a hospital and we're going to give you the best care we can and the other part of me was sad and knew they were sick and old and scared etc.

So I hated myself for th emotions I couldn't help but feel.

It's a terribly frustrating feelings.

But we're all here for you <3.

Family can be both amazing and downright dreadful at the same time. Silke, I know you'll do great at helping her and making her live the best she can for as long as she can hold on. It'll be an adjustment, and likely a burdensome one, but I know if I was your great grandmother, I would feel very safe going into your care. And safety and security is very crucial for one's self-esteem and feeling of self-worth.

It's a brave thing you're doing, and a huge responsibility, and I commend you for it. You're an incredible woman, and don't ever forget that. Just feel confident that what you're doing is an absolutely amazing thing. Good luck, and I hope all goes well. Try not to pull ALL your hair out, lol.

Big hugs and gush. You got my prayers, girl.